First of all, I’d like to thank you for inviting me into your lovely home. It really is quite – well, let me put it this way: it has real potential. It’s a real fixer-upper! Is that what you have in mind? Fixing this place up? Or perhaps you want to move to something bigger? With a better climate! Somewhere where it’s hot all year round! I can think of somewhere…
If it’s travel you’re into, the whole world is your oyster – if it’s pearls you want, you can shower yourself with them and any precious stones you can think of! The only limit is your imagination.
Perhaps you just fancy the idea of limitless funds in your bank account. That’s OK, too. Then you can dip into it whenever you like. You can splurge to your heart’s content; it’s never going to run out.
And you can put that money to good use. Charities! There’s a lot of need, a lot of suffering in the world these days – same old same old, am I right? But think of the good you could do!
You’d be famous! Or, if you don’t like that sound of that, your donations could be completely anonymous and only you would know. Imagine the secret thrill of knowing you had changed someone’s life!
Honestly, the possibilities are limitless. You would want for nothing. You’d be set for life!
Of course, I am honour-bound to draw your attention to the small print. Nothing much to worry about. The usual blah-blah. In exchange for anything you want, I get, upon your death (and let’s hope that’s a long time coming, am I right?) your immortal soul to do with as I wish. Are we clear on that?
Now, are you ready to take full advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime deal? Or do you have questions? Questions are good, questions are welcome.
What’s that? You want what?
Oh, no, sorry! Can’t help you with that. I’ll have my pen back, if you don’t mind! Inviting me in here, making me go through the whole spiel. If you’d told me at the start all you want is to be rid of your depression, you could have saved me the effort.
There’s nothing in this deal for me. You already know all the torments of Hell.
Bloody time-waster! I’ll see myself out.