Interview

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

“Please have a seat.”

“Thanks.  Don’t mind if I do.”

“Ha-ha.  There’s water there, if you need it.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Good.  Well, let’s get started, shall we?”

“*clears throat* Fire away!  Ha-ha.”

“Ha-ha!  Right, well, let’s not beat around the bush.”

“No.”

“Let’s get right to it.  Why do you want to offer yourself up for ritual sacrifice?”

“Well, um, it’s, ah, well, it would be such an honour for my family.  And a privilege for me.”

“Yes, yes.  Go on.”

“I mean, to be able to make a difference.  To make things better.  For people.  Times have been tough all over, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“You can say that again!”

“Um, do I have to?”

“No, it’s just an expression.  Carry on.”

“Well, um, like I say, it’s a chance to make things better.  And it’s not just about increasing the harvest. My blood enriching the soil.  It’s about attracting whadymacallit it to the region – investment!  Job creation.  All of that kind of thing.  And it’s a return to the old ways.  People like that, don’t they?  Tradition.  The old values.”

“Yes.”

“We shouldn’t have got rid of them in the first place, if you ask me.  I mean, we had them for a reason, didn’t we?  All those old ways.  Those…practices.”

“Yes!”

“So, um, I think it will put us on the map.  That’ll get the tourists flocking.  It’s a win-win all around, I think.”

“Yes.  Now, what about the pain?  Do you think you’ll be able to stand it?”

“Well, up to a point, yes!  And then, after that, I won’t care, because I’ll be dead, won’t I?”

“Yes, you will.  Ha-ha.”

“But I’ll die happy in the knowledge that I’ve made a difference.  I’ll have done my bit.  For others.”

“I like your attitude.  And payment?”

“What?”

“Where should we send your fee for this service – should you prove successful, of course?”

“Um.  To my mum.  She’ll be bowled over.  Anything to save her from that food bank.”

“Right.  Well.  I think I’ve heard enough.  A pleasure to meet you.  We have got other candidates to see, but between you, me, and the gallows post, you’re in with a chance!”

“Oh!  Right!  Thank you, thank you.  It was all quite painless really, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.  Well, this bit, anyway.  Ha-ha!”

“Ha-ha!”

“We’ll let you know before the moon is fat.”

“Right.  Thank you.  Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

Advertisement