Pig Three was fed up. His siblings had outstayed their welcome and were eating him out of house and home. To put it bluntly: they were pigs. They tried it on every year. Oh, we can’t stay at home, they’d squeak, not with a known predator in the neighbourhood.
Pig Three had tried to tell them they should build their homes out of sturdier, predator-proof materials. Sticks weren’t enough to keep the wolf from the door and as for straw – well, that was bloody ridiculous. Bricks were the only way to go. Good, solid and dependable – just like Pig Three himself tried to be.
But those two were taking advantage. You can’t chuck us out, they grunted. We’re brothers and brothers look out for each other.
Yeah, Pig Three mused. You only look out to see if the supermarket van’s bringing the food delivery.
But enough was enough. They had to go.
A knock came at the door. Pig One and Pig Two scurried behind the sofa in panic. It’s him, they squealed! He’s come to gobble us all up!
Pig Three was sceptical. It was probably just Jehovah’s Witnesses or something. But then a voice came through the letterbox, along with a flash of fang and a glint of yellow eye.
Little Pig… Little Pig… Let me come in…
His brothers squeaked behind the sofa but Pig Three was resolute. “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!” he addressed the door. On the other side, the Big Bad Wolf howled with laughter.
Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in…
Knock yourself out, said Pig Three, hoping to sound nonchalant. That might work on straw and sticks but my bricks won’t let me down.
What are you doing? Pig Two squealed.
Don’t antagonise him, Pig One wailed. Their corkscrew tails were rigid with terror.
Pig Three assured them he knew what he was doing. He’d read about it in a story book. He moved a huge cauldron into the fireplace.
Above them, the wolf’s paws scrambled up the roof tiles.
He’s going to come down the chimney! Pig One shrieked.
He’s going to eat us alive! Pig Two added.
Maybe, maybe not, shrugged Pig Three, letting himself out of the front door and locking it behind him.
Pig Two and Pig One peered over the rim of the cauldron. Instead of boiling water, they found a recipe book entitled Pork Dinners For One.