A Letter of Complaint

Dear Sirs,

I am compelled to write to you after a disturbing incident that happened to me at lunch time today when I settled down to enjoy a packet of eyes – namely a packet of eyes with your brand on them.  I have been a consumer of your eyes for many years – some might say too many have passed my lips and ended up on my hips, but I’ve tried your low fat eyes and they’re just not the same.

Until today, yours was a brand I could trust.  And so I delved my hand into the packet of eyes and scooped out a few without giving it a second thought.  It wasn’t until I felt there was something wrong with the texture that I became aware there was a foreign object in the packet of eyes.  I removed it from my mouth, to the disgust and horror of my co-workers (and to the delight of some, I have no doubt).  There in my packet of eyes was an ear.  An ear, gentlemen!  In my packet of eyes!

If I’d wanted to eat an ear I would have bought a box of ears.  But ears are not to my taste.  Hence my purchase of a packet of eyes.  Now, I’ve got nothing against those in society who like to eat ears – good luck to them, I say.  I just think it’s unnatural and not something I want to be doing.

How this rogue ear got into my packet of eyes I don’t know and I don’t want to know.  I suggest there is something amiss at your factory.  Perhaps you have employees who don’t know their arses from their elbows never mind an eye from an ear.

I write to bring this to your attention.  I am not asking for compensation in any form – although if a year’s supply of packets of eyes was to arrive at the address given above, I would not be displeased to receive it.

With kind regards



1 Comment

Filed under Short story

One response to “A Letter of Complaint

  1. Spanish Jackie

    Reading this while eating a bag of cinder toffee – no complaints there. A vary funny story – thanks

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