Pitiful Earthlings

Pitiful earthlings!  I am coming to get you.  My fleet of star-smashers is en route to your puny planet.  You must prepare to be annihilated.

It’s no use begging for mercy.  On my world we have no mercy.  We have no knees either so it is pointless you getting on yours – the gesture would be lost on me.

You have three of your hours to get your affairs in order.  You may take leave of your loved ones and release your pets into the wild.  You have time to run out and buy one last lottery ticket if you believe that is a sensible use of your time and resources.

You have time to pick something from your digital recording device, a broadcast you have not got around to watching even though you’ve been meaning to all this time.  You may get yourself up-to-date with the latest events in some awful dredge for what passes as talent on your woeful world – if you believe that is a right and proper way for your highly evolved brains to be occupied.

You may appeal to your preferred deity if it will bring you comfort.  Do whatever you can to make your final hours as painless as possible because, I guarantee, pain is on its way.

You may contact your parents via your primitive telephonic devices.  Go on; it will not hurt you.  And it may assuage the guilt you have accumulated over the years for not spending as much time with them as you could have.

You may prepare one last meal.  Cook it yourself, you lazy bugger – I expect your takeaway services will be inundated with orders.  Fill yourself with the fried flesh of your fellow creatures, if that is to your taste, but spare a thought for those millions and millions who will go to their demise with empty bellies, hungry because of your unsustainable lifestyle.  In fact, many will starve before my arrival.  They are the lucky ones.

Get to know your neighbours’ names.  Help an elderly person across the road.  Look a wheelchair user in the eye.

Throw your wealth away.

Unplug your appliances.  Find if you can some unspoiled spot, unpoisoned and unpolluted by the greed of your endeavours.

Embrace someone you have judged to be less worthy than you, as I will soon embrace you all in the heat of my disruptor ray.

Wear sunscreen.

The end is nigh.

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